9/26/06
Ted Roberts
2101 Aftonbrae Dr. SE
Huntsville, AL 35803
TV hosts with remodeled faces, economists who believe in interest rate manipulation, corporate execs who cook the books for lunch, even CEOs who eat free at the executive buffet — use the expression, “there’s no such thing as a free lunch”. But not many pundits know its ancient origins. No, I didn’t discover it in an earthenware jar in the caves of Qumrum. Nor was it engraved on the granite steles of Ancient Babylon. I learned it at the knee of my father, whose lifespan embraced the terrible teens and roaring twenties — I mean of the last century. Let me explain so I can chalk up at least one small contribution to economic history.
His economic tales were full of woeful happenings; stock market collapses, bank closings, unemployment, labor strife and wars. All of which resulted in brisk, lo-calorie suppers and lots of exercise, sprinting out the back door when the landlord, looking for rent, banged on the front door. Nobody was fat and no pundits talked about the role of government in curbing the generosity of evil restaurants. The typical American wage earner was an unemployed lean, lo-cholesterol, dead-broke machine.
But occasionally in the midst of a tale of midnight flight from raging landlords, my father’s face would brighten at the happy thought of the “free lunch”!! Remember these were hard times and only “rich folks” dined out. You paid your three nickels — if you had three nickels — for maybe a slice of meat, two vegetables, and a wedge of pie. As in Dickens’s David Copperfield, a request for more brought a stony stare. Buffet? What’s that — a hair do? Life was more like a soup kitchen than a bountiful table.
“But, ah that free lunch,” grinned my old man as he patted his stomach. “All you wanted. Cheese, bologna, pickles, lunch meat. All you wanted,” he repeated. And you only had to buy a 7-cent beer. The cold cuts were free!!
Well, even a 1930’s economist who failed econometrics 201 knew that “there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.” Saloon number 1 had beer for 7 cents and a table full of cold cuts. Help yourself. Saloon No. 2 across the street had no buffet, but the beer was a nickel, not 7 cents. Saloon Number 3 charged the 7 cents price for a mug of beer sans bologna and pickles, but it was higher quality brew. That “free lunch” wasn’t free by anybody’s definition. Somehow it was reflected in the price and quality of the beer. Or even subtler — its saltiness victimized the diner with thirst — ah another beer, another 7 cents. “Oh well, guess I’ll get me a second bologna sandwich.” (And my old man often confessed that he considered a third concealed in his pocket for mama. He never admitted the deed — just thought about it.)
As libertarians and thirsty beer drinkers say, “There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.” Sorry pop.
