Sometimes the regular news reads just like The Onion, such as this one on the growing controversy about a new liquor drink called Spykes.
Apparently many people think that this sweet drink in a nail-polish-style bottle is, gasp, being marketed to young people. Anheuser-Busch says that this is ridiculous, why they’ve done no marketing at all! And to get into the website requires that you give a birth date, and surely no one would lie about that, simply to see that AMAZING GRAPHICS, experience the super sophisticated flash technology, and hear the innovative music that changes its orchestration when you wave over the flavor of your choice! You have to see it to believe it, but, please, no one under the age of 21.
“It’s the perfect drink for a child,” lamented Judi Vining, coordinator of the Coalition to Prevent Underage Drinking in Long Beach, N.Y.. “Prom season and graduation season are coming up,” said Vining, who notes how easy it would be to conceal Spykes. “It’s scary. We don’t want to see people die.”
Time for a government crackdown! “These new products appear to be marketed for young people,” warns a bulletin on Spykes issued in February by the Michigan State Police Tri-County Narcotics Team. It puts officers on alert that Spykes “could/will be easily overlooked by patrol officers, especially in a woman’s purse.”
Maybe Congressional hearings are in order. Surely such negative publicity about a dangerous, delicious, and fun drink, that contains caffeine, gensing, and guarana and comes in three exciting flavors such as “hot melons” and “spicey mango,” will do nothing enhance the drink’s popularity.
