Sometimes there’s nothing so relaxing as sitting on your patio alone enjoying a beer, with only the backyard birds for company. And sometimes nothing beats a brew with a pal at your corner tavern. But in both cases, there’s an uninvited and invisible third party who can not be ignored. He’s the governor of your state and his fellow legislators — Alabama in my case. Their attitude toward beer drinkers like us and the stack of law books on their bookshelf has a lot more to do with enjoying your beer than the birds — or your buddies down at the corner. Seems strange “in the land of the free” in 21st Century America, doesn’t it?
I’m not a joiner, my last membership card said: “The Boy Scouts of America” and that was so long ago that the ACLU didn’t attempt to name our scoutmaster or word our sacred Boy Scout oath. But 60 years later, I found another organization that deserved my allegiance. “Free the Hops” it’s called. Our mission statement is typically American: get the government out of our lives especially when it come to relaxing with a brew. Nowhere does the State display its warped attitude toward controlling our God-given appetites than when it comes to alcohol. It all traces back to the Alabama Alcoholic Beverages Control Act of 1937. Corrupt public officials and bluenoses were suffering from deep depression because prohibition was repealed. How were they going to make a living? Laws are necessary to politicians like the Pecan tree is to the squirrels in my backyard.
“Hey,” said one tearful, post-prohibition legislator who couldn’t pay his house note due to the loss of periodic fat checks from bootleggers. “Let’s limit ‘em to 6% alcohol in pint containers — won’t that punish ‘em?”
And so they did. Consequently, Alabama is only one of 4 states — mostly southern — that imposed a 6% limit on alcohol by volume and is the only state that limits beer containers to one pint — 16 ounces; not a restriction in freedom we Alabamians should be proud of. These measures are as archaic and paternalistic as the legislation of the 19th Century that prohibited “fire water” to Native Americans. Aside from philosophical considerations of freedom, the 6% limitation keeps premium high proof beers out of our thirsty state.
Most of my beer drinking friends, who have an appreciation for freedom, understand that nowhere does the State act more like Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, William the Conqueror, and Adolph Hitler than when it comes to beer and other alcoholic beverages. Regardless of what the historians say, I know that the authors of the Bill of Rights and the Magna Carta must not have been beer drinkers or they would have maintained a few freedoms regarding our favorite hop-flavored, golden, sparkling beverage. Oh yeah, we get to vote. They sneaked in stuff like that, but when it came to brew — they gave “we the people” few powers. (Although some constitutional jurists claim “the pursuit of happiness” keeps the long, blue nose of government out of our beer mugs. How can you be happy if the Gov. instead of the marketplace is running the show?)
What rational argument can the State of Alabama make that beer should have an alcoholic ceiling? Maybe, just maybe, there’d be a sliver of logic if they proved that beverages containing over 6% alcohol have some strange regional effect — OK for New Yorkers — maniacal for Alabamians since it causes us to stomp on our neighbors and push over their outhouses. But the State, itself, with a hypocritic sneer, operates a string of State liquor stores that sells you beverages with 90 and 100 proof alcohol. That’s like saying arsenic is deadly in large doses and only the State, like James Bond, is licensed to kill. Irrationality abounds. The grocery can sell beer (with that 6% ceiling) and all the wine you want, but not Sherry or Port. Why’s that? Because Sherry is 20 proof and the groceries’ beverages are capped at 19%. Only the State-owned liquor store has the moral and legal credentials to sell that kind of powerful snake-bite medicine. It’s kinda like the difference between over-the-counter and physician-prescribed drugs. The State as doctor, you see. So, you can’t buy a 32 ounce bottle of beer but you can buy a half gallon of Port wine at the State Liquor store — with a 20% alcohol by volume kick. You can buy it at a privately-owned retail outlet, too — but they must buy it from the state.
More than economics — the State’s usual motivation — is operating here. They already tax beer at the brewery and the retail outlet — and unlike a gasoline tax that at least provides roads for the taxpayers — we don’t even get a free beer or mug with a group picture of the legislature. When it comes to alcohol — the State acts like the town drunk.
What right did the State have to monitor and control our thirst? Why not our appetite for supper? What was next? “Thou shalt not eat any steak, chop, loin, meat, roast, burger, or limb from the carcass of any multi-footed creature on planet earth.” And while they were striking a blow for my health, they could add additional language that would decree that state troopers could, without notice, join us at supper to assure compliance with their new health legislation.
And besides, don’t forget that — besides the restriction on alcohol content, the law allows no bottle, can, container, goat skin, bucket, pail, or barrel (those lawyers, ya know) larger than one pint — 16 ounces. Yes, you can buy twelve bottles, which my grandson can calculate to be 192!! ounces, but it’s hard to carry twelve bottles. So maybe that keeps us sober.
And another obstacle — 32 ounces of beer in TWO bottles — instead of one — has gotta up the price. Chalk up another score for our archaic, irrational, antique legislation.
You can buy 32 ounces of Pepsi — you can buy a 64-ounce package of Tide; you can buy a giant 24-pack of toilet paper. You could even wash out your mouth with 50 ounces of Listerine and not even the Alabama Alcoholic Beverages Control Act of 1937 commands you to spit it out. There’s nothing inherently evil about BIG. Why discriminate against our yeasty beverages?
Freethehops.org and beer drinking sympathizers have several constructive suggestions about this limitation — the most valuable of which is to “RAISE HELL”. No, not rudely. And please no Gallic riots in the streets. But it certainly helps to regularly point out to friends, co-workers, fellow beer drinkers and retailers the irrationality of the State’s attitude towards the civilized consumption of alcohol — one of the beverages “that maketh glad the heart of man” — so says the bible, unless they changed it with the Alabama Alcoholic Beverages Control Act of 1937.
