My wife and I comprised an “Oreo family” at one time. We were the filling between raising children and helping parents age. The Kids are good, they are happy, and have satisfying careers that fit their talents. All our parents have passed.
As our parents aged, one with Alzheimer’s and another with Lewie Body Syndrome, we shared parents on the dementia spectrum. We shared the collective grief and dismay of watching our parents pass with extraordinarily little self-awareness. It is gut wrenching watching the people you knew and loved fade away. The helplessness drives you to tears and prayer.
I described it once as watching a parent, in a boat at the shore, slowly drawn out to sea. Your vision of who they are changes as the time and distance move them further away. The distance makes them less able to identify who you are, mixing names, generations, and friends.
The process of the waves invites you to deny reality. The inbound waves bring the person closer, and you want to believe the third time a question is asked within 5 minutes as an unrelated occurrence. But as the water draws back the occupant moves further away; an isolated and almost imperceptible shift occurs daily. The distances between the crest and the trough of the waves are minute, but collectively damning. At some point, you realize the total distance and it breaks your spirit.
Personally, any ignoring or downplaying of the reason behind a parent’s terminal symptoms disappeared when I sat in their car and asked what the letters meant on the transmission lever.
“I put it in ‘D,’ and it goes” was the response.
I asked, “what do the other letters mean?” They were unable to describe the meaning of the other letters. Many the past situations of “mental slippage” became more awful.
People farthest away with infrequent visits saw and measured the changes differently. Friends, at first chose not to mention these observations for fear of causing stress. They missed the opportunity to ask how you are coping when they know the situation will not improve is terminal and asking about your parents’ status has no satisfactory answer. Responses like “we had Good weeks” are replaced with “we had some Good Days.”
Once the condition was public, many friends and family admitted “we noticed” or “we thought” some questions about the parents’ mental presence. The termination of these struggles is so horrific and soul sucking for family caregivers, many ignored commenting to avoid thinking about it in their own life.
Joe Biden last week followed this script. Denial by those closest, both family and staff, rationalizing the indicators, and outright lying. Up until a week ago Biden was sharp as a tack. Telling the populace that he was a robust and involved leader was galactic naivete or selfish cowardice.
Who can guess the reasons why this cover up occurred? I cannot speak to it but know the patient’s wellbeing was no longer a central concern. Is there really no consensus in the cabinet that President Biden needs to give up the keys to the car for his and their safety?
If there is a cabinet consensus and extra constitutional plans to keep Biden away from sensitive policy decisions and the nuclear football the public needs to know what the plan is. An act of civic and honest transparency by the story tellers to the country is morally right. The past years of coverups are criminal perversion of the constitution, fueled by contemptibly selfish motives, choosing party over person nationally.
Confessions now will not restore lost virtue for the staff, family, or media. We are at the doorstep of treason, what did you know and when did you know it? Why did you lie?
The President may be tried and convicted for alleged crimes from any investigation. Punishment of any stripe is no longer just. Pardoning a conviction of a man who may only have a tangential intersection with reality is merciful and required for the preservation of our ethos.
Dogged pursuit and prosecution of individuals who lied, exposure of the circle of advisors that defrauded Americans using what could be a helpless man. Civil suits against the most active media or reporters that gave us this taste of PTSD are a necessary remedy for the citizenry.
Resignations should have preceded these revelations, but in the absence of journalistic and political honor, surely many must now follow. The cost is mighty. The Democratic party is very much Captain Ahab, caught in the harpoon ropes from the great white whale who dives deeper and longer after every surfacing.
